SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello all,
Thanks in advance for your time, energy and support. I will pay it forward when I’m in the right place to do so. My story started when I was 28 and my boyfriend (we shared a flat) cheated on me and we split up. It was traumatising as he lied and lied even in counselling. About 18m later we got back together and eventually got engaged, married, had 2 boys, this is context for what happened next. The first decade of marriage was good and our family were so happy. Only difficulty was he struggled to keep jobs - he moved/lost jobs often so was a little stressful and I worked full time also. In the last 5-6 years his dad died and activated a spiral in his mental health. He’s was angry and then he also told me he’d been abused by a family member. I couldn’t get my head around this as we had had a good relationship and he had let our kids stay at this persons house. Over the last 5 years I discovered debt, first £30k then a year later £10k loan. The first £30k I was devastated but we paid it off and he explained it away. Then shortly after discovering the £10k his mum died and then it all unravelled. I searched his iPad and discovered he’d been visiting massage parlours/escorts. He also smoked pot often. I was completely broken and barely functioned but we had now a 14 and 11 year old so had to. I am so torn - we are both in therapy individually. I am heartbroken as is he. He struggles that I didn’t believe/support him. I struggle that he lied for so long and is capable of this deceit. He didn’t want to lose his family but couldn’t cope because of the childhood trauma. Eldest kid is now in final gcse year and has said he feels depressed. 😔 i don’t really know how to move forward. I have a good group of friends but this is soooo heavy I don’t want to burden them and often have to put on a brave face. I just want to heal and be optimistic about the future but for some reason feel I’ve taken a huge step back. I can completely relate when people say this is the most painful experience and I think it’s the isolation. Husband struggles to hear my pain as in comparison his is worse - he was suicidal, has lost both parents etc etc It’s sooooo hard to get out of bed and then have 2 sons who seem to want to play the x box all day which compounds the loneliness. None of this is their fault so want to protect them as much as possible. Seems we are all victims because of husbands choices BUT i still have some compassion that his choices are a result of his childhood trauma. Thankyou for hearing me - not sure what the answers are but feeling incredibly lonely and broken. I also just turned 50 - never a good time for this shit to happen but here we are.
Xxx