I explicitly wrote not to jump into bed with a random hook-up. While I could be wrong, I don't believe Rivers is that type of person. It is painfully obvious that sex is important to Rivers and if his wife is unwilling, but otherwise able, to have sex with him for whatever reason that in my opinion is grounds for him to file divorce. I may have posted this before in another thread. But I view sex like bathrooms when considering a house to purchase and live in. Obviously, no one would buy a home simply because the bathrooms were incredible (i.e. the sex is great) but on the other hand, no one would buy a house that didn't have a bathroom. So, Rivers has been living in a house without a bathroom for 2.5 years. Oh! but it seems his WW has had easy access to a bathroom(s) during this time.
What I did write about is trying to have a hard conversation with his WW to see what her true feelings are in how she views Rivers as a man and a partner. It is without doubt, based on her actions, that she has lost some respect for Rivers as a man and partner. While she may value Rivers in some ways- being a father and raising their daughters, taking care of the house and homefront. It may be his WW views him as a piece of furniture in the house, or at best, her support staff. An unpaid assistant, butler, cook, valet, housekeeper and chauffeur for their girls. Why would she want to give this up? Along with the asset split and accompanying child support and spousal support for however many of years? She had no motivation to change the status quo.
I seriously suspect that his WW, being comfortable with the arrangement the past several years, is angling to get back to her one-sided open marriage that she was living in. She can get her sexual needs met with her APs while Rivers plays the dutiful, faithful, ignored and unloved SAHD. She obviously can't outright tell Rivers this; so, she's going to continue stringing Rivers along- 'we can work on this in July' or 'I just need to get to a place where I feel safe.' Hoping and praying that Rivers will eventually succumb and give up in his efforts with her. To be honest, it seemed to be working for his WW. Heck, it's worked for 2.5 years and Rivers played along right into her plans. She manipulated Rivers perfectly.
Until he filed for divorce.
Then and only then did Rivers see a modicum of change in his WW. But she's still stringing him along on the physical aspect of their relationship. Probably because she no longer considers Rivers as her romantic partner. He's the help, the support staff in her eyes- simply unworthy. Sorry if this is too harsh Rivers but you can't deny that is how you've been treated the past 2 and a half years, right? But again, she can't outright admit this at this time.
So again, how do you get a cheater and addict to answer honestly? They've both been in IC and MC all these years- with no change. So, telling him "all you and her need is therapy" which some here bandy about as an automatic fix-it-all isn't going to help Rivers. That is why I proposed having the conversation with his WW as to how to proceed. Ask her if she wants an open marriage but she'll have to agree that it will no longer be only a one-sided open marriage. Propose whatever rules you want just so she knows you've seriously given this some thought. Tell her your needs must be met as well as hers. Study her reaction closely. As I wrote, if she jumps at this chance and agrees, you have your answer and fast-track the divorce. If she balks at the suggestion and refuses, ya'll may have a chance. But she needs to see you're willing to actively take steps to change the status quo and you refuse to continue to live an enforced life of celibacy.
Simply proposing (but not acting on) an open marriage to a previously unfaithful spouse is not in itself cheating or infidelity. [Now, if one spouse proposed an open marriage in a previously agreed to monogamous marriage it is grounds for filing for divorce] Some may say that such a proposal would be manipulating or playing games with your WW. No, it is a way to get to his WW's true feelings in as quick a manner as possible. It's been 2 and a half years, over a 1000 days in limbo, Rivers has suffered enough. He needs to bring this to a head or just detach, institute a hard 180 and divorce.
